From the tentacles of...

I appear to have irked the self-proclaimed author(s) of the rules on being a “citizen cyclist” with this picture. They’ve looked past the fact that it is a humorous little cartoon that explains what works for me in my own particular circumstances and derided it as a “useless infographic” and that furthermore my outfit is for “extreme sports cyclists” and that my “cycle geek” approach is “getting boring”, that because I live in a “winter clime” I should “already own winter clothes and that because I “calculate how many miles [I] ride every year” that I am not a “citizen cyclist”*. I found it both interesting - and rather sad - that in the recent months when I’ve been sharing little cartoons and illustrations, the only veiled attack has come from apparently within the cycling community itself. As the great Malcolm Tucker says so eloquently “….everyone hates cyclists. Even cyclists hate ****ing cyclists”

So, for the record;

• the glasses are prescription, without them I CANNOT SEE
• the buff is free out a magazine. I have 3 free buffs to choose from, from 3 different magazines. I can use them, depending on the weather, to keep my neck warm, ears warm, head warm, all 3 warm, or just to blow my nose on
• the vests are “regular vests” available to any “non-extreme sports” persons
• the socks don’t need to be “cycling specific”, it just so happens that cycling socks are the best and cheapest short-cut socks in coolmax-type fibres that I’ve found
• I’ve tried other gloves and they haven’t worked. These ones are warm, waterproof and windproof and have retro-reflectives for when you indicate a turn. My hands get cold and stay cold very easily so I had to buy a pair of good gloves anyway and my heavy woollen mits won’t work with STIs or are useless when wet.
• the cap is not there to keep my head warm. It’s cheaper than a wooly hat, and its main purpose is to act as a visor. I used a wooly hat last year but my head got too hot and the snow got between my face and the glasses lenses.
• the helmet debate? I’m not even going there (it saved me once when the guard at work dropped the carpark barrier on my head!), but what better place to put a reflective band than your head, where it can be seen from all angles and is high and prominent.
• The jacket is fairly cheap (it’s not waterproof, but water resistant) but the wind proof front is great, as are the pockets on the back and the retro-reflective piping a plus for being seen. Although I’m not sure if wanting to be seen is allowed under the “citizen cycling” rules. I haven’t forgotten, I’ve just got better things to do when reading.

So what are we left with? Some lycra cycling shorts with a half-decent pad in them (they saw me round my 770 mile tour. Perhaps I should leave them in the drawer and put on any of the other pairs of shorts that I DON’T OWN) and (optional) kneewarmers. It doesn’t matter if they get wet as they soon dry out again. But lycra is unforgivable. I wonder if it’s just this particular man-made fibre or if all man-made fibres are faux pas. Again I don’t know as I haven’t read someone else’s take on “the rules” (I didn’t even know there are rules).

And the boots. My lovely, lovely winter boots. £99 in the sale. Well I don’t know what waterproof and insulated non-extreme-sports boots cost in cyclechic land, but I thought that I got these for a good price. And I haven’t had cold or wet feet since…

Out of interest, I did once cycle to work in the “clothes in my closet”. I got caught in a rain storm and spent the whole day sitting at my desk in cold and wet jeans, with a sweaty t-shirt from trying to out-run the rain storm (even though I had told myself I would cycle slow to avoid getting sweaty). So if that has discouraged you all from cycling, I’m very sorry. Obviously this is not just an innocent little cartoon but is a piece of cycling industry propaganda to force everyone kicking and screaming into lycra. You will take one look at this and think “NO WAY CAN I CYCLE” and that will be it. I will have ruined cycling forever. Or, you might just carry on cycling and wear what works for you. And not listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

P.S. The pants? 4 for £12 out of Marks and Spencer.
P.P.S People in citizen cycle land don’t do any of their own repairs so they don’t have to worry about getting oil, grease or dirt on any of their nice, expensive “clothes out their closet”
* = I’m a citizen. I cycle. But apparently not a citizen cyclist.

(Source: Flickr / kaputniq)